Tony Ferguson

Tony Ferguson is a diet.  Another god damn diet!.  Why can't anything just be easy?.  Why can't I be one of those women that have babies, and get their body back very soon after birth and just look amazing all the time?!.  Why do I have to struggle at this?. 

Anyways, Tony Ferugson is a diet that I am on until I shed these extra kilos.  I want to lose 18 kilos, and I WILL do it!.  This diet kick starts your metabolism for the first 4 weeks, and then you move onto another phase of weight loss by re-introducing certain foods.  Let's hope I can stick to this!.  Actually, I WILL and I AM sticking to this.  I have been successful in other diets, but not for the long term.  I just hate being fat and uncomfortable in my own skin. 

It's been hard finding time to excersize, and it gets dark at 530, and is cold out!.  I know that shouldn't be an excuse, but who wants to go out and walk and stuff when it's freezing?.  Who just wants to curl up on the couch after the kids have gone to bed and watch TV?!.  ME!.  Oh motivation - where have you gone??.  Losing weight is more triggered by food and what you eat, so hopefully I can make up for my slack in the excersize department by reducing my calories!. 

The bright side of this is that I have 2 beautiful girls to show for this excess weight, stretch Marks etc!. 

Missing them

Just missing them......


SO MUCH.....

"The Mums"

My sister in law is set to get married next Dec 31, 2011. She went out yesterday and got her wedding dress. She went with her mom (my mother-in-law), and her fiance's mom.

We went over to my mother-in-laws for dinner last night, so my SIL tried her dress on for me - it's beautiful. I said "K, that dress is so pretty, I feel like i'm going to cry", she said "Yes, well when the mums saw me in it, they both cried". That hit a raw nerve with me. "The mums". Oh what a nice thing to have...."the mums" watching you pick out and try on your wedding dress. Together. In the same place. What a dream. My SIL is getting an amazing, supportive, and sweet mother in law. What a nice thing to have. I consider her such a lucky person, to have an amazing fiance, her mom here, supporting her every move, and loving her so much. She also has a great job, she's beautiful, confident, and has things in such a perfect place.

It would be wrong for me to say I wasn't riddled with jealousy sometimes. And don't get me wrong, I am so happy for my SIL that she is happy and has found true happiness. I just want what she has...."the mums", close and loving me like they do her. Not that my mom doesn't love me - she loves me so much and I know that. It would just be so nice to hug her, just to physically feel that love.

On a brighter note, my Grandma has quit smoking. She has been smoking for 61 years and has not had a cigarette in 15 days. I could not be more thrilled for her. If she can achieve that much success in beating that habit after all that time, it makes me confident that I can achieve anything I set my mind to. God I love her so much.

Friends Part 2

This is somewhat of a continuation from an earlier post. It's just a prime example of what i'm missing out on not having really close friends here.

Some of the girls at the party today were talking about their 30th birthdays. They decided because they are all celebrating their 30th's in the same year that they would go away together. It sounds lovely. I doubt I would be invited, and it's just another blow to the fact that Im just not part of the "group". It's ok, and I understand that it takes time, but it still hurts. I just don't feel part of anything sometimes.

I love going to these parties because the kids have fun, and I like seeing the babies (they're growing so fast). I sometimes hate going to these things because the fact that I do not have parents and friends that are right there to help me like my "friends" here do looms. It saddens me. I miss it. All of my friends have friends and family that helps them, and is there for their kids, and I do not. It pains me with jealousy.

Overall, we had a really nice day, and the kids had fun. That's all that really matters in the end isn't it?. That the kids are happy and healthy.

Friends

I talked to my best friend this morning, and I'm a little concerned about her.  She's having a few medical problems (which I think and hope will work themselves out), and some problems finding good friends back in Canada.  We've been friends for years, and sort of lost touch (for a reason neither of us remembers!), then re-connected a few years ago and have been inseperable since.  It broke my heart when I hugged her goodbye when I moved over here.  I am, however, very thankful that we remain close despite the distance between us.  She is so kind and has sent me some packages with goodies from back home (which I LOVE). 

I have made new friends here and really cherish that.  I am very glad I have friends here, and most of them have kids.  Our kids get along, and it's a nice feeling knowing that I am considered a friend to someone here, and they have really embraced me and been there for me in times of saddness and homesickness.  But, will I ever have another close friend like my friend in Canada?.  Will I forever be living my life here with "friends"?.  Without that closeness I share with my best friend?.  I've already had to come to terms with the fact that I do not have family here and I am not part of a family here, so do I have to just come to terms with the fact that I will never have a close friend here?.  Perhaps time will tell. 

Speaking of friends, I'm about to go and bring some flowers to one of them because she had surgery yesterday.  She's ok, and feeling well.  I'm so glad. 

One thing I know is that these 2 girls below are my best friends, and I can always count on them, and we love eachother unconditionally :)

First Post

I'm not sure if I will even ever get any followers - I hope so.  It would be nice to have some support.  This is my first post, and it feels like it's much over-due!.  I have been contemplating having a Blog for a while.  I just feel like I need to vent my feelings here and there. 

I felt a pang of homesickness last night.  I went out to Bingo with a friend and her mom, and her mom reminded me of my mom so much.  Oh how I miss my mom and her gentle, and kind nature.  I miss seeing her interaction with Eve.  It's so heart-breaking knowing she will never have that relationship with Lilah.  Lilah is so missing out!.  These are the things I chose to miss out on when I agreed to move to Australia.  Sigh.

I talked to my grandma this morning and she told me that my sister isn't going to go to University in September.  I am so sad for her.  If I had my time back I would love to be exactly where she is now.....getting ready to go to University, starting to get some independance etc.  I feel like she is throwing it all away.  My dad was always so strict with me, and has been so lenient on her.  My middle sister is so smart and has already accomplished so much at her young age of 21, so there was no need to be strict on her.  She is amazing.  I just wish and can only hope that my other sister comes around and changes her mind. 

Thats enough for now.  Time to go.  I really like this, so i'm sure i'll be back soon.