Monday, December 5, 2011

Where am I?

Do you ever think "where am I?".
Or, "What am I doing here?" or better yet, 
"who am I?"

I often wonder this.

I wonder where I am and why am I here?

I wonder; how did I end up here?

I obviously know how I got here - I took a 21 hour plan ride in June 2009.  But I wonder "Why?"

HOW did I leave my family and move so far?

I've made a life here in Australia.  I have a house, job, car, friends......but my family is not here.

The sadness has set in.  

It will be the 3rd yr, the 3rd Christmas and birthday spent with my family.  

My birthday is the 26th of December.  My family always made a big deal of my birthday being the day after Christmas.  My Birthday always got over-shadowed by Christmas, so it was always made special for me.  

I miss them.  

I wish I could see them tomorrow.  I wish I could call them tomorrow morning and say "whats for dinner?".  

Every day that passes it seems like being with them is a memory instead of a reality.  That makes me sad.  

Desperately sad.

  More sad for the girls.  

Sad that they don't get to experience opening presents on Christmas morning and waiting for Grandma and Grandpa to arrive.  My dad complaining in about how many batteries the toys take and how much time they take to put together.  How the Christmas music with the fake fire place playing in the background sound.  The brunch he cooks and worries about everything stay hot and warm enough to eat for everyone.  

How did I end up here?

Will the sadness decrease as the years pass?



fivejensenboyz said...

Hang in there Nicole.....((hugs))

Amy said...

I don't know that the sadness of not being close enough to just drop by and visit ever really lessens, you just get used to it. I'm not nearly as far away from family as you are, but it is still too far to go spend the afternoon or anything. I'm sad that my children can't just run down the street to Grandma's house. Our holidays with family are few and far between. So, we do the best we can to make positive memories with our own family and do the best we can to keep in touch with extended family and nurture those relationships. Our success has varied with my in-laws, but my family is still pretty close even though we are spread out. Hang in there! :)

Lacey said...

Like Amy said, I don't know if the sadness of being away from your family lessens, but it will get easier. I know everyone probably tells you this, but it makes the moments you do get to be together even more special. My family only lives three states away but we do not get to see them often. I know your time difference is a big one, but can you do video chats? That helps me get my "family fix" and my kids love it (they are 5, 3½, and 2½). I know how heart breaking it feels at times that your kids can't spend the weekends with their grandparents and what not. Hang in there, Nicole! You are a strong woman!!

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

Hug hun!! I am so sorry that you can't be with them.

Ronni said...

*big hugs*

I think that stuff all the time.

I'm not near my family, but I'm WAY closer than you are to yours. I can't imagine how hard it must be.

My birthday is Dec 20, so I understand how important it is for your birthday to be celebrated in its own right! Aidan's is Dec 30 and I always make it a point to make sure his birthday is its own special day.

Donna said...

Hang in there! Even though I am not as far away are you are from your family it is still sad to me. I think you just get used to it. I talk to my mom often and I know my friend that lives here in California and her mum and dad are in Melbourne video skype every day. They even know my daughter. I am often envious of my friends that have their parents close by. I just do what I can with my little family here and the extended family I have built up here.

Ashley said...

I'm sorry.... I can not even imagine how that feels. Hang in there.

Mamma of the Papada's said...

Hey chica!! I FEEL YA!!! I'm feeling it big time this year. My family is over seas (2 of my brothers are here so that's good but that isn't mom and dad for sure) we Skype and have phone calls and that makes it a little easier. And email of course. The holidays are always rough...huge hugs from San Diego!! Hang in there tough mama!!

Jen@ADropintheBucket said...

Eek lady. I don't know what to tell you..I have only been away (this far) for a year, and then there were our 2 years in New Jersey. But I DO know how hard is to be away from them (since that is why we moved back from New Jersey). And I do know I am quite sure I will not know what to do with myself when we are done with our current visit. But like Lacey said, I do have to say it makes the moments you spend with them all the more special because they come so few and far between. I am trying to appreciate and savor every moment. I'm thinkin' about you!! And when I win the lottery? The first thing I am doing is buying you a ticket to Canada. :-)

Beth @ Through the Eyes of the Mrs. said...

I wish I had an answer for you. I wish you weren't sad and in time you would hurt less. I wish you could be with your family for Christmas. I'm sorry but know that I love you girl.

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