Friday, December 31, 2010

The end of 2010 & my 20/20 vision for 2011

Finally - the end of a whirlwind year!.  I'm pretty happy to see the doors close in on 2010.  I definitely had more bad then good come out of 2010.  A few of the amazing things that did come of 2010 is I got a fabulous job, and because of separating from Doug, it actually brought us closer together.  We're happier than ever before.  It's unfortunate having to go through all the emotional crap that we did, but we're thankful that we got through it and came out on top.

Now, onto the title of this post - my 20/20 vision.  I have a goal for 2011 to lose 20 kilos and save 20 thousand dollars.  I can do it.  That's my new attitude..."I CAN DO IT".  Not I "will" or "might"'s I CAN accomplish these things, and I WILL. 

I'm going to forget all the outside influences that I used to let hinder my life and relationship - they can all just go f*@k themselves.  This new year is time to focus on me, my 2 perfect little girls and my husband.  It's time to accomplish what I set out to do by moving here.  I'm going to be the best me I can be.

Thank you to all you readers, and all my friends and family in Canada that I miss so much for being there for me throughout all these troubles.  I love you all and wish for you nothing but an amazing 2011. 

Monday, November 8, 2010


My baby is starting Daycare today - Gulp.  Sniff Sniff.  How is it that she's over a year old, walking and going to Daycare?!?!.  How did this happen???.  Wasn't I *just* pregnant with her?!?!. 

My babies are growing up too fast!!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010


Lately, I have finally been feeling a little more settled into life here.  I'm finally feeling like i'm getting over things, and things are going to be ok.  Of course I still miss my family *tremendously*, and my friends, but I have made some amazing new friends here and that's what I grasp onto.  Without them I would feel so lonely, and don't think I would be able to cope. 

Things have changed so much lately.  Doug got this new job which he started a few weeks ago and coincidentally, I got a new job which I started on the same day as him!.  Things just seem to be falling into place.  I am really enjoying my new job, and so far it's going well.  I really couldn't ask for better hours, days and location.  I am able to be with the kids a few days and be home early enough to cook a nice dinner.  What more could I ask for?.  Of course I could ask that I be close to my family. 

There will always be this hole and this something missing.  And that's my family.  I know they're always there, but not physically here.  Is there a grace period to missing them?.  Am I meant to be over it now and settled here?.  I feel like to some I should be ok and over it and settled right into things here.  I also think to some, me saying "I miss my family" is old and annoying news now.  Is my grace period up?. 

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I've got a job!.  It's an amazing opportunity and I just couldn't pass it up.  I get to work 3 days a week (my choice), and 9-3.  The best part is that it's so close to home.  I had my first day today and it went very well.  I think it's a perfect fit. 

It's amazing how things happen even when you're not looking. 

Lilah did very well today without me for the day.  I'm very proud of her.

1 Year old

And just like that.......She was 1!!!.  :(

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Cake cake cake!!!

Not sure if I've mentioned this previously, but I'm attending an 8 week butter cream cake class.  It's every Wednesday night for 2 hours.  We have to bake our cake beforehand and make up our butter cream and bring all this to class.  The entire 2 hours is spent just decorating the cake.  The hardest part about this is to NOT eat the cake!!.  Trying to watch your weight and attending a cake class isn't the easiest thing!. 

I've done 2 cakes thus far and have learnt quite a bit.  I am really enjoying it.  I'm enjoying it so much in fact that I have also signed up for the "comprehensive" course that starts next year.  This is a 12 term course (so it will take 3 yrs to complete) that teaches us how to make the flowers etc that you see on wedding cakes.  That's really what I wanted to learn but thought I would start off with this Basic butter cream class to learn the basics about pipping etc. 

As you know, Lilah will be 1 on Friday the 22nd of October.  I have to make 3 cakes next week!.  1 for my cake class on Wednesday, 1 for Friday and another for her birthday party on Sunday.  I'm going to be busy baking and utilizing my oven!.  I'm sort of looking forward to it though because it will give me lots of practice. 

Once I get organized enough I will get some photos on here of the cakes I've done.  It's a good start for someone who has never decorated a cake before. 


It's been a while since i've blogged, and there is so much going on right now but I just can't seem to find the words to write. 

The best news i've heard in a while is that my Grandma had her surgery and all went well.  PHEW...HUGE relief.  I'm so thankful that we still have her and she's doing well.  I'm hoping for a speedy recovery for her and I can't wait to talk to her again once shes home from the hospital.

So onto the title of this post.  Eve's starting school next Feb.  She will be attending a primary school close by our home.  She may be ready but I am not!.  I have received a letter from the school this week indicating her orientation days.  It just sank in when I saw that letter that my baby will be going to school soon!.  Also, Lilah turning 1 in less than a week doesn't help either.  It saddens me to know that my babies are growing up...but makes me happy to see them grow and see them flourish into little people with their own personalities. 

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Busy week

This is the last week of school holidays (Thank Goodness!!), and it sure has been a busy one.  We've been out every day for the majority of the day.  Lilah has been missing naps, i've been slacking on the housework, and Eve's been exhausted by the end of the day.  But it's all been in good fun. 

We went to Science works on Tuesday and the kids had a great time.  We went for Ice Cream after on the beach.  I can't believe tomorrow is already Friday. 

My SIL's engagement party is this weekend so the next few days are going to be spent getting things ready for that.  Eve is very excited to put on a dress and go to a party. 

I went out with a few friends tonight (as I do almost every Thursday night), and I always seem to come home sad.  I always miss my family and feel homesick, but when i'm with these girls (they're sisters) I tend to feel even more homesick.  I was with them tonight and wishing so much that they were able to meet my family.  I'm so proud of my family and would love to show them off to the new friends I have met.  These friends in particular have a lot in common with my family, so I know they would all get along.  They're mother has they're kids a lot and spends a lot of time with them.  It makes me sad to know that my girls are missing out on that. 

Time to focus on the positive.  I have 2 girls, 2 perfect, healthy and happy girls.  Lilah may not be the happiest child at the moment (she's cutting 3 molars all at the same time, there should be some rule against that), but she's generally a loving and cuddly (but busy) girl. 

Well thats it for me.  There really wasn't much point to this post, but I just felt the need to write.   

Thursday, September 23, 2010


I never had an appeciation for all the support and family I had around me prior to living here in Australia.  I definitely took advantage of always having my mom and sisters near by.  I took it for granted that I could rock up to moms place on Sundays and she would always be there to cook (well, more like assist) with dinner.  (Sorry Mom)!. 

I can definitely, 100% say that I have a much greater appreciation for my mom and family now.  Even though I am pretty much in the the furthest in the place from them, I still have her.  I can still call, and talk to her about anything, and sometimes even nothing.  We can still find things to talk about eveyday...just like we used to.  It amazes me how strong that relationship between a mother and daughter can be. 

That old saying, "You don't know what you got until it's gone", is so completely true in my case.  I honestly did not know what I had until it's gone.  I have the most amazing and supportive family in the world, and I have an entirely new appreciation for them. 

My mom just amazes me at how strong she is, and how much she continues to love me and the girls.  As much as I have hurt her and turned her entire world upside down, she still puts on a smile each time we Skype and never lets me in on how much she hurts.  And I know she does this for my sake, and for that I consider her the most amazing and strongest woman I know.

I love my mom, probably more now then I ever have.  I can never begin to apologize for the way I have hurt her by taking her grand babies away.  My guilt will forever haunt me. 

Monday, September 20, 2010


I went to the movies last night with a friend.  She is not only a "friend", but she's a "Canadian friend"!.  She is from Saskatoon, and has been living here for 3 years. 

I feel like we can relate to eachother because we have SO much in common.  We are both from Canada, both have 2 kids (same age difference), both miss our families tremendously, both stay-at-home moms, and we both have troubled relationships with the same certain people in our lives here. 

She always motivates me to be better, and that I can cope with being here without the support group I have been so used to my entire life.  We had a good chat last night, and although I get saddened by not being close to my family and not having that close bond and close friendship with friends here, she made me feel better. 

I really appreciate her and all she has done to help me, and for being there for me.  She's the one person here that never judges me, and understands precisely how I feel.....and for that I am extremely grateful.  I hope that our friendship continues to flourish and we can become even closer. 

Saturday, September 18, 2010


I attend a playgroup on Friday mornings.  My friend and her 2 girls go as well.  She's the one who introduced me to this playgroup back when Lilah was only 3 weeks old.  At that time there was about 5 or 6 babies born all within a week of eachother....and they are all girls!.  Lilah will have a lot of playmates!. 

Yesterday was the last day of Term, so the Playgroup usually goes to a play centre of some sort.  I snapped some cute pics of my girls yesterday (I've been really slack in the picture taking department lately), and wanted to share them here. 

My girls are getting so big.  Lilah's closing in on 11 months, and is standing on her own for a few seconds, and will be taking steps soon i'm sure.  Eve's going to start her last term of Kinder in a few weeks, and then heads to school next Feb.  Where does the time go?.  Why can't these little girls stay innocent and small forever?!.  I wish. 

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Gramma was meant to have surgery on Thursday the 16th of September.  I've been stressing about this and have been losing sleep.  It's a horrible horrible feeling not being able to be there for your family when they need you the most.  I wish nothing more than being in Canada, right by their side.  They have been there for me in any time of need, and not being able to reciprocate that favour is awful. 

Then this morning I got an e-mail from Gramma saying that the surgery has been post-poned.  Ugh.  I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.  So I will be back to not-stressing for a bit until I get the next e-mail with the new date!. 

So, lets keep our fingers crossed that things work out and a new surgery date is around the corner.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Birthday Party Planning

Been planning a 1st Birthday party......GULP!.  My baby will be turning 1 in less than 2 months.  How has this happened?

Here's some updated pictures of my soon to be 1 year old. 

C25K Challenge

C25K is a 9 week excersize challenge.  it stands for Couch to 5K.  It assists you to build up your running by alerting you to walk and run at certain times.  I downloaded the app onto my phone, so I will hopefully (when it stops raining) get into this. 

I had my first week on Tony Ferguson and lost 1.8 kilos and 2 centimeters off my waist.  Woo Hoo!.  When I signed up, I got this gift pack thing, and inside came a book.  I have been reading this book and so far it's been pretty interesting and informative in the dieting department.  It tells us that we self-sabotage because we feel so restricted etc.  That is EXACTLY what I do!.  He also went on to tell us about this tudy that was done on 2 groups of people.  One group was going on a diet the next day and the other was not.  They were both told to eat as much ice cream as they wished to.  The group going on the diet the next day ate double the ice cream than the group that was not.  Interesting.  We apparently tend to binge and over-eat when we feel restricted - therefore leading to sabotage.  So far in this book his philosophy seems to be not dieting and feeling restricted....I will continue reading and keep you posted. 

Overall the week was good.  Found out hubby got a new job, so that was a huge relief and load taken off.  Other then that nothing new happened. I also went to see a Career Counsellor at Victoria University about going back to school.  I got all the information I need, now I just have to take the next step.  Spent the rest of the week with my 2 little beauties.  :)

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Tony Ferguson

Tony Ferguson is a diet.  Another god damn diet!.  Why can't anything just be easy?.  Why can't I be one of those women that have babies, and get their body back very soon after birth and just look amazing all the time?!.  Why do I have to struggle at this?. 

Anyways, Tony Ferugson is a diet that I am on until I shed these extra kilos.  I want to lose 18 kilos, and I WILL do it!.  This diet kick starts your metabolism for the first 4 weeks, and then you move onto another phase of weight loss by re-introducing certain foods.  Let's hope I can stick to this!.  Actually, I WILL and I AM sticking to this.  I have been successful in other diets, but not for the long term.  I just hate being fat and uncomfortable in my own skin. 

It's been hard finding time to excersize, and it gets dark at 530, and is cold out!.  I know that shouldn't be an excuse, but who wants to go out and walk and stuff when it's freezing?.  Who just wants to curl up on the couch after the kids have gone to bed and watch TV?!.  ME!.  Oh motivation - where have you gone??.  Losing weight is more triggered by food and what you eat, so hopefully I can make up for my slack in the excersize department by reducing my calories!. 

The bright side of this is that I have 2 beautiful girls to show for this excess weight, stretch Marks etc!. 

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Missing them

Just missing them......

SO MUCH.....

Monday, August 23, 2010

"The Mums"

My sister in law is set to get married next Dec 31, 2011. She went out yesterday and got her wedding dress. She went with her mom (my mother-in-law), and her fiance's mom.

We went over to my mother-in-laws for dinner last night, so my SIL tried her dress on for me - it's beautiful. I said "K, that dress is so pretty, I feel like i'm going to cry", she said "Yes, well when the mums saw me in it, they both cried". That hit a raw nerve with me. "The mums". Oh what a nice thing to have...."the mums" watching you pick out and try on your wedding dress. Together. In the same place. What a dream. My SIL is getting an amazing, supportive, and sweet mother in law. What a nice thing to have. I consider her such a lucky person, to have an amazing fiance, her mom here, supporting her every move, and loving her so much. She also has a great job, she's beautiful, confident, and has things in such a perfect place.

It would be wrong for me to say I wasn't riddled with jealousy sometimes. And don't get me wrong, I am so happy for my SIL that she is happy and has found true happiness. I just want what she has...."the mums", close and loving me like they do her. Not that my mom doesn't love me - she loves me so much and I know that. It would just be so nice to hug her, just to physically feel that love.

On a brighter note, my Grandma has quit smoking. She has been smoking for 61 years and has not had a cigarette in 15 days. I could not be more thrilled for her. If she can achieve that much success in beating that habit after all that time, it makes me confident that I can achieve anything I set my mind to. God I love her so much.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Friends Part 2

This is somewhat of a continuation from an earlier post. It's just a prime example of what i'm missing out on not having really close friends here.

Some of the girls at the party today were talking about their 30th birthdays. They decided because they are all celebrating their 30th's in the same year that they would go away together. It sounds lovely. I doubt I would be invited, and it's just another blow to the fact that Im just not part of the "group". It's ok, and I understand that it takes time, but it still hurts. I just don't feel part of anything sometimes.

I love going to these parties because the kids have fun, and I like seeing the babies (they're growing so fast). I sometimes hate going to these things because the fact that I do not have parents and friends that are right there to help me like my "friends" here do looms. It saddens me. I miss it. All of my friends have friends and family that helps them, and is there for their kids, and I do not. It pains me with jealousy.

Overall, we had a really nice day, and the kids had fun. That's all that really matters in the end isn't it?. That the kids are happy and healthy.


I talked to my best friend this morning, and I'm a little concerned about her.  She's having a few medical problems (which I think and hope will work themselves out), and some problems finding good friends back in Canada.  We've been friends for years, and sort of lost touch (for a reason neither of us remembers!), then re-connected a few years ago and have been inseperable since.  It broke my heart when I hugged her goodbye when I moved over here.  I am, however, very thankful that we remain close despite the distance between us.  She is so kind and has sent me some packages with goodies from back home (which I LOVE). 

I have made new friends here and really cherish that.  I am very glad I have friends here, and most of them have kids.  Our kids get along, and it's a nice feeling knowing that I am considered a friend to someone here, and they have really embraced me and been there for me in times of saddness and homesickness.  But, will I ever have another close friend like my friend in Canada?.  Will I forever be living my life here with "friends"?.  Without that closeness I share with my best friend?.  I've already had to come to terms with the fact that I do not have family here and I am not part of a family here, so do I have to just come to terms with the fact that I will never have a close friend here?.  Perhaps time will tell. 

Speaking of friends, I'm about to go and bring some flowers to one of them because she had surgery yesterday.  She's ok, and feeling well.  I'm so glad. 

One thing I know is that these 2 girls below are my best friends, and I can always count on them, and we love eachother unconditionally :)

Friday, August 20, 2010

First Post

I'm not sure if I will even ever get any followers - I hope so.  It would be nice to have some support.  This is my first post, and it feels like it's much over-due!.  I have been contemplating having a Blog for a while.  I just feel like I need to vent my feelings here and there. 

I felt a pang of homesickness last night.  I went out to Bingo with a friend and her mom, and her mom reminded me of my mom so much.  Oh how I miss my mom and her gentle, and kind nature.  I miss seeing her interaction with Eve.  It's so heart-breaking knowing she will never have that relationship with Lilah.  Lilah is so missing out!.  These are the things I chose to miss out on when I agreed to move to Australia.  Sigh.

I talked to my grandma this morning and she told me that my sister isn't going to go to University in September.  I am so sad for her.  If I had my time back I would love to be exactly where she is now.....getting ready to go to University, starting to get some independance etc.  I feel like she is throwing it all away.  My dad was always so strict with me, and has been so lenient on her.  My middle sister is so smart and has already accomplished so much at her young age of 21, so there was no need to be strict on her.  She is amazing.  I just wish and can only hope that my other sister comes around and changes her mind. 

Thats enough for now.  Time to go.  I really like this, so i'm sure i'll be back soon. 
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