I'm learning as I get older that relationships are tricky.
They come in all different forms, shapes and sizes.
I find I have to put on many different faces in certain relationships.
Some "relationships" are forced, and I have no choice but to put on a happy face and make the effort even though I don't want to.
Other relationships are genuine and I can be myself. Like those with my kids, husband and family. I don't have to be someone I'm not. I don't have to bite my tongue or watch what I say in fear of being judged. I know that no matter what I do or say they genuinely and unconditionally love me. I can tell them if I have a problem with them or an mad with something. They just know me. These are my favourite kind of relationships.
I have a "Smile & Hello" relationship with alot of people. People I see everyday at school drop off & Daycare drop off, at the supermarket, the shops I visit frequently, some acquaintances, and even some people on Facebook. I don't really know most of these people and they don't know much about me. We just Smile & say Hello because we happen to frequent the same places and see eachother often so it would be rude to just constantly walk by them and not even so much as have a smile on my face.
Then theres relationships with friends. I have 1 best friend and I would categorize her in my family relationships. Theres no holding back with her and I can be me - just like with my family. She loves me no matter what and I love her too. I have "friends", and they know things about me and I know things about them, but it's a different relationship than that to my family and acquaintances. We often "catch-up", have coffees together, go out for dinners, have playdates with our kids. We invite eachother to things. So it's a closer relationship and ones that I value tremendously.
In each relationship theres a form of give & take. Even the relationships of people in shops and supermarkets. I take the food, but I pay for it. So it's still a give & take situation.
Some people are takers and some are givers. I would like to consider myself a giver. I give alot of myself to people and don't expect much in return. Just a courtesy call, visit or even a text message. I would also like to consider myself a thoughtful person. I see something in a shop and will often think "This would look nice on so and so", or "This is exactly what she wants so I'm going to go that extra mile and get it for her". Sometimes though, I don't feel that gesture in return from some of my relationships. Am I trying too hard?. Do I just have to let go?. Should I take a step back and let someone do things for me?. I am kinda getting sick of thinking about and doing nice things for others but getting nothing, zip, zilch in return. Some people you "have" to do things for, but I still don't want to. And these people never do anything in return for me.
There - I had to have this rant, and let it out. I feel better now.