Saturday, August 20, 2011

She may look cute...

How cute is she?...Rain Boots, black eye & all???
Lilah May at 22 months.

Today I experienced a whole new world of motherhood.  

It's pretty well known that Lilah is a bit more of a handful than Eve.  Eve was a very good toddler, and rarely threw a tantrum.  I'm experiencing a whole new world of tantrums with Lilah now.  I didn't know it was this hard!

I dread taking the kids out shopping or grocery shopping.  Eve, not so much anymore, but Lilah is a nightmare.   Last Friday for example, Hubs and I took Lilah to DFO Outlets, and by the time we left, we were both sweating, red in the face, and really flustered.  Read this post for another example.

Anytime we need to go shopping, we usually don't go together because that means we have to take both kids.  Usually one of us will go and either the kids stay home with the other parent, or the one going shopping takes Eve.  I know that sounds horrible and is somewhat horrible and unfair to Lilah but we do it for our sanity!!!.  

Today I went down to Sunbury Square and stopped at the deli.  It's really busy there on Saturdays and it was packed.  Under the deli is a bunch of packs of pretzels & nuts.  Lilah has picked up a pack and kept saying "lolly lolly lolly".....I knew what was coming then.  I just kept saying "yes yes"...and kept ordering my meat and cheese.  When it was time to go I asked her to put the pack down, and ofcourse just as I knew would happen she shouted "NO".  So I took the pack off her and put it back.  

She started screaming

and then screamed even louder.....

Than she threw herself on the floor and kicked her legs and screamed some more.  

I still needed to get bread and the bakery is just a few shops down, so I picked her up screaming and back arching and brought her over to the bakery.  She was still screaming and then proceeded to throw herself on the floor again in front of the bakery and kicked and screamed.  

I tried picking her up, talking to her, bribing her (I know - bad) but in the end the only thing I could do was ignore her.  So thats what I did - I ignored her and ordered my bread.  

Once I got my bread and rolls, and was ready to go she was still screaming and on the dirty icky floor.  So I picked her up, carried her out to the car and attempted to strap her in.  She wiggled around and arched her back which made it very difficult to strap her in.  

Finally once we were half way home she stopped screaming.  I honestly for the life of me don't know what to do.  I didn't know whether to put her in time out when we got home, talk to her about what she did wrong or what?.  I didn't know if she would remember when we got home what she did?.  

This is what she looked like when we got home

Firstly, let me explain the black eye.  Yesterday Lilah and Daddy were playing and had a head on collision and Lilah got a black eye. 

Secondly, the rain boots in the first picture is what she wants to wear  She insists on wearing them.  She wore them to daycare everyday this week and wears them out everywhere.  I did try and hide them, but she threw a fit when I said no, so I gave in and let her wear them.  When you're already a few minutes late of leaving the house for work in the morning, and shes about to throw a fit over a pair of boots, it's easier to let her wear them than it is to fight with her.  I know it's not the best option, but sometimes it's the easier option.  

Like I said previously, I didn't go through this with Eve, so i'm treading in new waters now and not sure how to cope with it.  

Anyone else have a toddler that throws tantrums in public?.  How do you deal with it?


Tammy said...

Oh gosh, at least she calmed down eventually for you. As for ignoring and bribing, don't worry, I'm sure nearly every parent does it at some stage {I know I do}

I read on a blog the other day about a mother giving her child some beads each week, say 1 or 2 per day depending on age, and each time the child does an unacceptable thing/behaviour, one bead gets taken away, and if there is crying or complaining about it being taken another gets taken, and then at the end of the week if they still have a bead on their string they get a reward.

That way it's rewarding the good behaviour and not bribing =) eventually the child realised that behaving in a certain way would mean less chance of a reward. It's good because you don't need to rely on being at home for the 'discipline' to happen .

Oh, and if you use it with both the kidlets she will see her big sis getting rewards and not losing beads and may possibly change her behaviour =)

{sorry can't give you the link as it's not one I follow, and I can't remember where it was/what it was called - it was a really good post too}

I really hope that made sense =)

Tammy @

Tammy said...

Oh, and I am in no way sure if this works, I read it and thought it would be a great thing to try =)

Meghan said...

Maybe you should show her who's boss. Like spank ( I think thats how to spell it ) her. if your at the store maybe you can pick her up and run to the car, then do our stuff . Or the next time she asks to wear the boots just say "no, because you wear at the store." She cry's, you ignore. Then she will have to stop because it's doing no good. And think what did your mom do when you wore little?

Raydra Hall said...

Luckily, I haven't had to deal with the temper tantrums with my two, so I've got no advice there. I do want to let you know that you are one of many, many parents that don't like to take their children shopping. I refuse to take mine grocery shopping with me and they are 10 & 6 years old!

Kimberly Kay said...

My husband works weekends so unfortunately I don't have the luxury of not having kids in tow during most errands...though the rare occasions I do shop alone it is peaceful and non-rushed. (Raydra I'm a bit jealous-haha!)
There must be something about the second born, because my little one has been defiant and sassy since day one. She's thrown tantrums similar to this(only twice in public thankfully) and it's easier to just let her freak out. In the heat of the moment there is NO reasoning and NO bribery that works. It's as if they are temporarily possessed...I recall just scooping her up and leaving where ever we were. At home I look video of her in the heat of a tantrum once, she was PISSED at the time, then wouldn't even watch it later...but it was an attempt to show her how crazy she was acting. I feel your pain though. My little one just turned 6 yesterday and although she still is a pill the days of the screaming, flailing, snotty face tantrums are in public it's more of a silent protest of sorts. I've always joked that she's a little bipolar, since it runs in family we make light of it...coping mechanism I suppose. Best of any stage, it's not forever.

Janice said...

Hi Honey,

No your right our Evie did not do that, but every child is different.
You can either not take her on outings until she can behaves herself or pick her up off the floor in the store take her to the car, strap her into her car seat, tell her she is not getting out until she stops screaming and ignore her until she stops, when she has stopped crying ask her if she will be a good girl in the store and try it again!! It might take a few times.
Love Mom xoxo

Lacee said...

Carter was more like Eve and only had tantrums a few times. One thing I always did that I think helped was that I always had with me a bag of distractions. It was a little backpack just his size that I would put all kinds of little toys and treats in. Nothing fancy, just usually stuff from the dollar store. I would try to switch out the toys ever outing so that there was always something new in the bag. He would sit in the stroller and play while I got my errands done. I actually still do this whenever we go out to dinner and he is 5. I also loaded several kids and movies onto my iPhone for him to watch or play with while we were out. Hope these ideas help! Hang in there momma...this won't last forever :)

Lacee said...

**Kids app and movies onto my iPhone.

arnrc said...

These little children learn very quickly - throw a temper tantrum and your wish will be granted!

Hello I'm Lala! said...

I have a 2 year old and he throws tantrums ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE when he doesn't get his way. I have started to just ignore him and he calms down on his own, eventually. Very few times, I give in. It's hard, trust me. I know!! I get embarrassed and panic sometimes. Good luck.

Lisa said...

Aww...sorry, Nicole....she is a cutie, though, black eye and all! I'm with Lacee on this one...distractions!! I also try to only take 1 child at a time to the store with me...that is IF my husband is home and can watch them. But a lot of times I try to work it out when I can go by myself~! (I know that's not so easy for everyone), but I hope things get better with the little one~!
~Lisa @ Organized Chaos

~*~Renee~*~ said...

my (almost) 3 yr old daughter tries to do the same thing...but mommmys little trick is: kneel down, get real close to her ear, hold her so she has to listen (ctying or not, she will hear you). talk in your calmest voice you can muster and tell her: "you are acting nasty and it does not make mommy happy. if you do not stop by the time mommy stands up, i will spank your butt. mommy will not allow you to act like this when you do not get your way." then let go of her and stand up. if she is still acting nasty, spank her butt once and tell her again. "mommy is not happy you are acting nasty. i will spank you again if you do not stop." and do this again until she stops. the point of the spank is to get her attention. it has to be hard enough she realizes it, but it doesnt need to hurt. when she finally stops, give her a hug and tell her you love her and thank her for stopping and it makes you happier when she is acting good and not throwing a fit. the first few times it will take a while but dont give in!! after about the 3rd time all you will have to do is tell her she is acting nasty and youre not happy...then ask her if she wants a spank or if she wants to be good. it works with my daughter every time.

Brit @ JandMs Eye Candy said...

Ewww, I hated this stage in my kids lifes :( My girl was much worse at the tantrums then the boy. Hers were so bad that until my husband saw it for himself, he didn't believe or understand how horrible she could be. I found that the best thing for these occurrences was to ignore her. Completely ignore her. I wouldn't even talk to her until she calmed herself down. That usually made her more angry, but eventually she got it, mom doesn't pay any attention until I stop acting like a banshee. Yup we got the stares and I got embarrassed, but it was what it was. Good luck, and we have all been there ;) Thanks for linking up with us and sharing your mommy business :)

Big D and Me said...

Sounds like you did everything right to me. First off, give yourself a break. You did everything I would have done so you must be smart :) Stick to your guns and try not to give into her when she wants something when you are out, she will come to expect it if you give in too much - if wearing the rain boots makes her happy then so be it - good luck

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