I can't lie and sugar coat it. It's not easy. It doesn't get easier either. You would think as time passes and years pass without being close to her that it would get easier, but sadly it doesn't.
When I left Canada, I broke. Leaving my mom behind as she cried to break her heart broke me. 2 years and 5 moths later I am still that broken woman. It is not always obvious and "broken" is not always the first thing I feel when I fall out of bed these days but on the inside, i'm still smashed to bits and broken. At any given moment on any given day I can take myself back to June 3rd, 2009 and feel that pain. I don't just remember it, I feel it. I can practically taste it. It's woven into the fabric of who I am now.
Those last couple of weeks of being with my mother are so bittersweet. It was like watching the death of someone as I watched her mask her grief and sadness about us leaving. I want to hang onto those last weeks of being with my mom. I could practically still smell her weeks after arriving in Australia. I was still close then, now it seems so far away.
So I guess the point of this post is that as cheery and upbeat things can seem, I am broken inside. After 2 years and 5 months I am still that broken person - i've just learned how to mask it.