I've faced my fears and already revealed my secret to you all. I've even been brave enough to talk more about it and how it started and how I've been coping so far. It's actually been very therapeutic for me to let it out and feel the support from you all.
But what I haven't told you about is my "pity party" I had. I haven't had the courage to reveal this as of yet in fear of seeming too weak. What happened is something I am not proud of but it has changed me and with all the love and support I feel from all of you, I feel confident enough to let this out.
I had an epiphany on my bathroom floor.
I haven't even told my family about this, I am so ashamed.
One night when Hubs was out and I was home with the girls I had what I call a "Pity Party".
I am not a drinker. However, I do enjoy a glass of wine once in a while and will drink socially. On this particular night I drank myself into a state and literally layed on the bathroom floor all night and was very sick.
I had my realization laying on my freezing cold bathroom floor tiles that I have to do something about my depression. This is where I realized that I was sick and couldn't cope.
I had to change.
I scared myself. I was home alone with the girls and what if something had of happened?
I had to believe that I was going to be ok and get help.
I did a really stupid thing, and I'm very ashamed of it. But, on my bathroom floor that night I realized I had to make the change to be the best me. And I did.