Wednesday, November 23, 2011

On the bathroom floor


I've faced my fears and already revealed my secret to you all.  I've even been brave enough to talk more about it and how it started and how I've been coping so far.  It's actually been very therapeutic for me to let it out and feel the support from you all.  

But what I haven't told you about is my "pity party" I had.  I haven't had the courage to reveal this as of yet in fear of seeming too weak.  What happened is something I am not proud of but it has changed me and with all the love and support I feel from all of you, I feel confident enough to let this out. 
 
 I had an epiphany on my bathroom floor.

I haven't even told my family about this, I am so ashamed.








One night when Hubs was out and I was home with the girls I had what I call a "Pity Party".  

I am not a drinker.  However, I do enjoy a glass of wine once in a while and will drink socially.  On this particular night I drank myself into a state and literally layed on the bathroom floor all night and was very sick.  

I had my realization laying on my freezing cold bathroom floor tiles that I have to do something about my depression.  This is where I realized that I was sick and couldn't cope.  
 
I had to change.
 
 





I scared myself.  I was home alone with the girls and what if something had of happened?
 
I had to believe that I was going to be ok and get help. 
 
 





I did a really stupid thing, and I'm very ashamed of it.  But, on my bathroom floor that night I realized I had to make the change to be the best me.  And I did.   
 
{This "pity party" occured approx 14 months ago} 
Photobucket

24 comments:

Meesh said...

Nicole, thank you so much for sharing your story with us!! It is a hard thing to do to come out and state I need help! I am so glad you got what you needed and that this blog is helping you in so many ways!! You are awesome and I love reading your blog so thank you!!
-Meesh :)

Three'sCompany said...

No one is perfect and always remember that it's okay to ask for help! Hang in there and keep smiling!

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

Hang in there hun! Thanks for sharing your story.

Munchie's Mama said...

Every one goes through highs and lows. Even if they don't talk about them, those low times are there. The important thing is how you handle them and you decided to make a change. This is the important thing and what makes you the amazing, inspirational woman that you are. Thank you for sharing Nicole, you really are helping so many!

Cassie said...

Oh love, thank you for sharing this. We all hit rock bottom at some point. Just remember when life knocks you down to your knees (or the bathroom floor) your in the perfect position to pray.

Many hugs and love sent your way!

Beth @ Through the Eyes of the Mrs. said...

I can understand feeling ashamed and depressed. I can understand the millions of thoughts that probably ran through your head. The embarassment the sadness. Just know that you are an awesome person and asking for help is just making yourself that much better for yourself and your family. Hugs to you hun xoxo

fivejensenboyz said...

Thank you so much for sharing that.....and you should never be ashamed if you recognize and CHANGE!!! And it's beautiful that you are sharing....because you never know who you will touch by this simple post. :) ((Hugs))

Elle said...

Hang in there girl! You'll get through this. One step at a time. And always remember it's okay to get some professional help. We all need it at some time or another. Praying for you.

Jazmin @ My Little Memory Jar said...

Someway, somehow everyone can relate to this. It's not a weakness. It's just a normal thing each of us have to conquer uniquely. I know that you will be a better person from this experience! You give me hope & inspiration! I believe in you. xo

♥Jazmin

Jazmin @ My Little Memory Jar said...

L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U! L♥VE Y♥U!

Kate said...

I had a moment like that once where I reached the bottom of bottom and suddenly had an epiphany...and I can confidently say after that moment, when I finally realized something needed to be done, I succeeded, and so will you!! <3 <3 <3

Amanda said...

I SO admire your for sharing!! You're so brave, and I LOVE that you share yourself (I mean, your *real* self) with us! Thank you for letting us into your life.

Anonymous said...

Nicole, You are very blessed and you are happy and perhaps you don't know that. You are beautiful, you have two beautiful healthy girls and a supportive husband. Count your blessings whenever you feel down. If you are scared of going out of medication, try going to a local church every sunday, i'm not sure if you already do this, but i've felt that becoming stronger in my faith and getting closer to my Heavenly Father made me feel a much happier person. :) Love ya sister! Please, take just a few minutes to read this article: http://mormon.org/plan-of-happiness/

AbsoluteMommy said...

I've said it before, you are so very brave. I read an article recently about moms who do this daily. They drink until they are unfit, but don't know they are unfit and keep going. You, are strong and brave and an awesome mother to know that this was a point you had to come back from. You had it out with yourself and are now on the road to recovery.
This makes you human and strong and real. Like you said earlier it is so very raw to admit these things. You are not alone, you are never alone.
I'm so glad I found you and your blog. I'm on the fence about booking a flight so I can give you a hug. We need more mommies and bloggers like you. Who shoot from the hip and reveal things others shy away from.
You are so very brave.
Lots of love and hugs,
Megan

The Crafted Sparrow said...

DON'T EVER be ashamed! God doesn't want us to be ashamed! You made a mistake, we ALL make mistakes! I've made plenty of poor choices, and yes sometimes there are consequences..sometimes there are awakening & eye opening moments. But the moments that lead us to to making great change in our lives are the moments we can cherrish, because they have made us better...more loving...beautiful people! It's awesome and so incredibly important that you discovered what you needed and that your aware and actively trying to overcome what is causing you unrest. Thank you for sharing! You are a beautiful person and we all love you!

Mamma of the Papada's said...

You are a very strong person! This took a lot of courage and I admire you. I am still learning to ask for help...it's not easy. You are so awesome, Nicole! You have a great support system here too! Much love!!

Lisa

Elizabeth said...

You are such a strong woman for being able to talk about all of this. Your "pity party" is nothing to be ashamed of... it happens to the best of us, especially those suffering from depression. It seems like that "pity party" may have done wonders for you because it inspired you to get help and to be the best you that you could possibly be. Just remember that you are AMAZING and that there are tons of people out there to support you and help you whenever you need it! XOXO

Lena @ Mom2MemphisAndRuby said...

Nicole, you are so strong! Thank you so much for sharing... your story is so inspiring! :)

Angie said...

Nicole~
Thank you for sharing your story. I firmly believe it's the strongest among us that can ask for help when it's needed. Then take their experiences and use them to help others. You are an inspiration!
~Angie

Marissa@ Momma Rake said...

Sweet Nicole, I admire you courage in posting something so personal. You are such a rock star momma and we ALL make mistakes. It is so awesome that you have turned it into something positive!! Proud of you girl! Much love and BLESSINGS!! Xoxo!!!

4Eighteen said...

Good for you, sometimes it just takes that breaking point to realize what's important.

Salena @ A Little Piece of Me said...

Nicole, I wanted to reply as soon as you posted this but my little girls would not allow for me to do so.

I can relate to what you were feeling that day because I also had a day like this. The day I was left alone for the first time after I gave birth to Dakota, Post Partum depression set in. I had that day where I was so scared of myself. I knew I needed help.

It's in moments like these when we feel our weakest... when we find hope and are moving forward that our story helps so many others. From sharing my story of depression, anxiety, and pregnancy loss I have had so many women come forward and tell me that they have never told anyone that they struggle with the same thing.

Sharing your story, the one God gives you will heal the hearts of others.

I appreciate you sharing this story. It's things like this that make you vulnerable and real to others.

xoxo

Miss Emily said...

Hiya i’m your newest follower via follow me Wednesday (3 four and under) ...
i love to see honesty in blogging, i shows integrity,many blogs only show there best side and leave others feeling as though they must be perfect...
thank you with love from Emily. studousstitch.blogspot.com

Rachel said...

Thank you for sharing this, I feel better knowing I am not the only blogger going through a hard time right now. I think a lot of us are.
There will be good days and bad days, but in the end they're days. Be thankful and feel uplifted that you're able to experience them because they're each a gift. There will be more of those "good days" too.
It gets better :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...